Woman Asks If She Was Wrong For Stunt At Clothes Rack
Whether we're looking for it or not, drama has a way of finding us. It isn't always easy to know how to handle a situation, and harder still to know whether the tack we took was the right one.
For these situations, the jury of Reddit can help us untangle these awkward social situations. These scenarios are all more than a little bit uncomfortable — but fortunately, in each case, we have a definite verdict.
"Am I the jerk for taking all of the clothes in my size off the rack so resellers couldn't grab everything before I looked?"
This dilemma brings us to a thrift store. If you've spent much time in thrift stores over the years, you've probably noticed a marked change. While there used to be better selection and better prices, resellers have started snatching up all of the good stuff.
The poster of this story is mindful of this (it's definitely not her first thrift store rodeo), so she decided to take some proactive measures on her most recent visit.
She noticed a likely reseller walk into the area.
Three women came in, all consulting tablets to check online prices for the stuff in the thrift store. "They were clearly resellers and started grabbing stuff after checking labels," she wrote.
This put a "sense of dread" into the poster, so she decided to take everything in her size off of the rack and threw it all into her cart. This way, she reasoned, she'd have dibs on it before scavengers could take all of the good stuff.
The resellers started staring.
The poster asked them what their deal was. "One was like, 'We'd like to be able to see what's on the rack too.' I said that they could as soon as I was done."
At this, the women scoffed and said she was being rude. It didn't end there, though, as one of the women literally tried to snatch a top out of her hands as she held it up for a better look.
Resellers travel in packs.
This obviously isn't a hard and fast rule, but it seems to be true more often than not. Commenters pointed this out again and again: For resellers, a group means it's easy to divide and conquer.
Of course, the poster's story dealt with one of these packs of resellers. Perhaps the fact that there were three of them emboldened them to be jerks to her because there's strength in numbers.
"First come, first serve."
It all seems to boil down to this simple statement. While the ethics of reselling thrifted goods can be debated endlessly, it's kind of beside the point. Ultimately, the first person to get their hands on a product has the right to buy it.
Commenters shared their experiences, saying they'd had to resort to these tactics at clothing stores, bookstores, and everywhere in between. Shopping can be a competitive sport sometimes.
"Resellers have ruined thrifting."
"I have been thrifting for 15 years, and I used to find great stuff in my size all the time...now it's just leftover junk," wrote one exasperated commenter. "They are the same as landlords, in my opinion, and there are way more ethical professions."
In the smartphone era, it's easier than ever to quickly look up the value of an item if you're shopping, and it seems that this convenience has made thrift stores less special than they used to be.
This isn't the point of thrift stores.
Many thrift stores are affiliated with charities and make efforts to keep costs low in order to provide quality used products to those who couldn't otherwise afford them.
"[Resellers] take people's charitable donations and treat it like their business," wrote a commenter. "These people are the scourge of the charity community. Rather than supporting a place for people to buy needed items for cheaper, they look for profit."
At this point, an employee stepped in.
Both sides explained their positions to the worker, who concluded that the poster wasn't doing anything wrong by putting clothes into a rack. He then thanked her for putting stuff back on the rack when she was done with it.
"I finished what I was doing with the women breathing down my neck and took my clothes to go try on," she wrote. "One of them kept following me and asked me what the [heck] my problem was, why I was being such a [jerk], etc."
Let's hear from someone who donates these clothes.
One commenter who donates a lot of nice clothes to thrift shops wrote, "I would like others who can't easily afford them to get them...not so someone else can swoop in and sell my clothes for their profit."
She added that it's a different situation if this is done to people who genuinely just want to shop for themselves — but judging by the story here, the women were pretty clearly resellers.
It's the law of the jungle at the thrift shop.
"I'm pretty judgey about thrift resellers in general, but they would have done EXACTLY the same thing you did if they had been there before you," wrote a commenter. "The only different is they would have been slightly more selective based on their researches."
This was a pretty common theme in the comments: That, to a certain extent at least, it's everyone for themselves when it comes to shopping — and if you need to throw a bunch of stuff in your cart, then so be it.
Things really got out of hand.
The resellers were being absolutely jerks in their actions. Snatching clothes out of someone's hands and using salty language to insult them is never acceptable. But that doesn't necessarily mean that the poster was in the right.
Is it acceptable to 'hoard' clothes so others can't get a look? How do the stakes change when you're doing this to resellers versus legitimate shoppers? It's a nuanced issue, so the poster wanted to know if they were in the wrong.
This verdict isn't even that complicated.
One might expect a few thrift store resellers to chime in and share their side of the story, but that didn't really happen. The closest thing to support for resellers came in the form of "first come, first served" messaging.
It's hard to argue against the poster, considering she just wanted to buy some clothes for herself and was putting unwanted items back on the hangers for others to enjoy.
"Am I the jerk for telling my daughter that life isn't high school — and if it was, she would be the loser now?"
Our next tale starts out hot with this loaded statement. Being told that life isn't high school anymore isn't particularly controversial, but following it up with being told that you're a loser is definitely a shot across the bow.
But as always, context is everything — and we'll soon find out that untangling the particulars of this situation reveals some interesting details about both the person who posted it and their daughter.
The poster has two daughters.
The girls are just a year apart. 24-year-old Kelly was popular and athletic and earned a sports scholarship to go to college. Her sister, 23-year-old Sara, was almost the opposite — academically minded, with a small social circle.
Things changed after high school. Kelly partied too hard and dropped out of college without a degree, while Sara put in the work to earn her degree and now has a good job.
Kelly's more than a little bit jealous.
Owing to the fact that Kelly is struggling to make ends meet as a restaurant server while her younger sister has a successful career, Kelly's a bit jealous. This dynamic recently came to a head.
Sara announced that she's going to go on a cruise for her vacation. Kelly had always wanted to do this, but can't afford to do so on her server's wages. Let's just say that the situation blew up a bit.
Kelly crossed the line.
"[Kelly] blew up, saying that Sara was a loser in high school, so it isn't fair that she has all this now," wrote the poster. "She went on for a bit when I had enough."
The poster continued, saying that she told Kelly that "life isn't like high school — and if it was, she was the loser now." Needless to say, Kelly did not take this well and had a few choice words for her mom.
She turned the issue over to the jury of Reddit.
On the one hand, Kelly is struggling in life and has lost her cool. She might reasonably expect some support or compassion from her mom — but her mom actually wound up calling her a loser.
On the other hand, it sounds like Kelly is getting her just desserts after viewing her successful little sister as a loser for so many years. Surely, she could have expressed her frustrations in a less toxic way.
The judgment is here.
The post generated a lot of traction, as it clearly resonated with folks who'd had similar squabbles with their siblings. This area of family dynamics can be full of tension and angst, after all.
"While it's never good to call your child a loser, you were using the word she used for her sister and in a conditional manner, so I'll give that a pass," wrote one commenter, who added that these kinds of differences are common in siblings.
It sounds like Kelly peaked in high school.
Parents always want to see their kids succeed, and for that success to just continue through their whole lives. Unfortunately, reality doesn't always reflect these aspirations, and some people do in fact experience their best years in high school.
"[Kelly is] acting like a loser who peaked in high school and equates everything back to high school," wrote another person. "You clearly put things into perspective in a way that she can understand, and she did not like it."
Others shared their stories.
One commenter wrote of an older relative who also peaked in high school but experienced a steep downward trajectory in the years that followed. Alcoholism became an issue, and she kept getting plastic surgery to try to recapture her former self.
"I'll spare you further details, but she was in and out of rehab 10+ times, spent all the money," they wrote. "Decades of plastic surgery and tanning to 'stay young and beautiful' has made her into a meme."
Did Kelly's mom go too far?
It's easy to argue that Kelly deserved to be called a loser based on how she started the conversation. It's equally easy to argue that these words — from Kelly's own mom, no less — are bound to sting.
"I can guarantee that Kelly is going to remember her mother calling her a 'loser' for the rest of her life," one commenter wrote bluntly. "That's the sort of thing you just don't forget."
Is anyone in the right?
Another commenter posited that everyone (save for Sara, who's not really directly involved) is in the wrong here. They wrote that what Kelly's mom said was absolutely true, but with a caveat.
"You missed a huge opportunity to ask her what her plans are to improve her life today," they emphasized. "It was a perfect opportunity to push her towards college/trades/business ownership. We live in a time where college is not the only path to success."
Maybe no one's a loser?
Here's another possibility: Sara isn't a loser and never was, and Kelly isn't a loser either. "Your daughters are two completely different individuals and are on their own life paths," one astute commenter correctly pointed out.
It's easy to forget that both Kelly and Sara are young women in their early 20s and that nothing is set in stone. Kelly's obviously jealous, but a lot can change at this stage of life. It's best not to act like this is the only possible dynamic.
We have a verdict!
There are obviously a number of ways to view this drama, and nothing here is black and white. After all, Kelly isn't a villain, and neither is her mom — things just got a bit heated.
That said, Reddit has issued its verdict, and that verdict is that Kelly's mom was not in the wrong for what she said — even if she could have taken a different tack. Of course, our next drama shows us that not everything exists in grey areas.
This poster has had it up to here with her son's girlfriend.
There's a lot to unpack here. The poster has a 22-year-old son who's in a committed relationship with his 23-year-old girlfriend. They just announced that they're pregnant, and they're understandably looking to save money.
The drama comes in the fact that they've decided to move back home, under the same roof with the poster. She acknowledges that she wasn't happy with the pregnancy because of their financial situation, and is even less enthused about them moving in with her.
"I made it clear they will need to do chores and buy their own food."
These are reasonable expectations, of course, but things went off the rails almost immediately. They're incredibly messy, and despite promises to do better, they don't seem to be able to bring things to a reasonable standard.
After the poster's son went away for work, it became clear that his girlfriend was the slob. "She leaves dishes out constantly, her stuff is all over the house, and her bathroom is so gross," wrote the poster.
"She is eight months pregnant and her excuse is she cannot clean."
This seems reasonable on the surface, but it glosses over the fact that she wasn't cleaning six months ago either, back when she moved in. It's a tense situation that's threatening to boil over.
"I came home with groceries and tripped over her shoes," wrote the poster. "I had enough. I told her that she isn't giving birth to Jesus, and if she doesn't clean then she can get out of my house."
"She started to cry and my son is [angry] at me."
The poster has no uncertainty about whether she was in the right or not. She reiterated that she was doing both her son and his girlfriend a massive favor and returned to the never-ending task of cleaning.
This one seems pretty straightforward, but is it really? Regardless of the context or provocations, is it ever a good idea to upset a woman who's eight months pregnant and tell her that she needs to do more manual labor?
Redditors chimed in.
One commenter said they would reluctantly support the poster. The reason for this reluctance is that the issue should have been dealt with months ago rather than right now at the tail end of the pregnancy.
"Not sure what your living situation is but if I was in your shoes, I'd divide the house up and put one of them or myself in an apartment and then just start charging them rent if they're so messy it's damaging your property," they continued.
Should they get the boot?
Some commenters said that these soon-to-be parents deserve to be kicked out of the house. They've been living rent-free, contributing nothing to upkeep, and acting generally entitled. It's safe to say that people have been evicted for far less.
At the same time, there was a lot of resistance to this suggestion. It might have been more acceptable a few months ago, but it's hard to kick out a woman who's eight months pregnant — particularly when you're the grandchild of her baby.
It's possible to work while pregnant.
Pregnant women need to take care not to exert themselves too much, but that doesn't mean that pregnancy needs to be nine months of lying on a couch and doing nothing.
"There are women out there who are (or were) ready to pop, taking care of a house and toddler on their own while working," wrote one commenter. "You ARE doing them a favor. It's not your job anymore to take care of them and definitely not your job to take care of their baby."
It could get even worse.
Another commenter chimed in with the ominous but likely accurate statement that things will soon get worse once the baby is born. "Soon you will be tripping over dirty diapers and rotting formula bottles and trying to get rid of cockroaches and rodents," they wrote.
"Living with your daughter-in-law will make you resentful of your grandkid. Throwing her out will make your son resent you and also interfere with you having a healthy relationship with your grandkid."
Has she ever had to clean up after herself?
In the telling of the story, one thing that sticks out immediately is that the mom-to-be isn't hostile or intentionally entitled. It just seems like she goes with the flow, and the flow — to her, at least — means not having to clean.
"Maybe she's never had to clean up after herself, and she's just oblivious to her," wrote one Redditor. "I know she's been asked, but she's still so young and is dealing with an unplanned pregnancy."
This kind of family drama is never easy.
Pregnancy is tough, unplanned roommates are tough, and big messes are tough — and this story combines all three into one unappealing mess. That's to say nothing of how complicated things will likely get when the baby is born.
No one can walk in the shoes of the woman who made the post, let alone her son or her son's girlfriend. What they can do, though, is render a verdict.
The verdict: Not a jerk.
The official verdict for this story is that the poster wasn't a jerk for snapping at her daughter. But in this case, the verdict is really just a formality and doesn't solve much, as the vindication isn't going to make things much easier.
We wish everyone the best as they navigate this thorny issue, and it's hard to know how things will turn out. For our next example of spicy drama, let's move out of the family realm and into the world of retail.
What do you think?
Life gives us no shortage of drama, from stuff with our families to encounters with random strangers. How would you have handled any of these scenarios? Is there a better path forward, or did the posters keep their cool in the face of major drama?
Whatever your thoughts, it's somewhat comforting to know that Reddit will always be there to give us a definitive verdict for these awkward social situations.
